On the eleventh of November 2009, after eleven years and eleven days together, writer Connie Palmen married Hans van Mierlo, one of the Netherlands' most prominent and wellliked politicians, a man more than twenty years her senior. On the eleventh of March 2010, van Mierlo died in an Amsterdam hospital. With this, the two soul mates are torn apart forever. Six weeks after her husband's death, and driven by her fear of a second death – that of forgetting – Connie Palmen begins to record her pain, grief and despair, trying to find her footing with the help of a journal. The result is a moving account of longing for a body that is no longer present, of losing and finding oneself again, and of her loving memories of a wonderful man. »He is the only one who could soothe my body, and now he is gone. Grief is being in love without release. I am panic-stricken without him.«